Not as often as I'd like

I'm not here as often as I would like. A friend was asking about my blogging. I'm on the computer every day but I rarely feel in the mood to blog....maybe once a month which isn't enough if you enjoy popping past to see what I've been doing.
It's been a rough month with incredible fatigue with my chronic fatigue syndrome. I've had to do a lot of lying down and life gets pretty tedious.
I am great when I am feeling mildly manic and zippy whereas the quiet, down time is really challenging. I wonder how other rapid cycling bipolars manage the quiet down times. At times I wish I had a fellow sufferer to chat to. It is hard for friends and family to understand my constant change in moods.
I have been studying the lunar charts more closely lately. I am always up near and at the full moon and I am usually down and quiet for the new moon. I want to learn to be more in tune with the lunar cycle.
That's all for today.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

A quiet day

I've been doing really well on the new meds. Today isn't so good. My thoughts are quite slow and confused. I can't sort out in my head how to do things today. I have a list of what to do and will have to make notes on how to progress. I often have to make lists of what to do and steps on how to achieve it. Today is one of those days. I am in quite a muddle. It's 1.30 pm and I just had breakfast. That's OK...the best I can do.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Dear Margie

Dear Margie,
thanks so much for leaving a comment on my blog. I often feel like I am talking to myself on the blog and it is great to get feedback.
Today I have decided to make a commitment to blog each week. I want to keep in touch with how I am progressing at the moment on this new medication and it would be good to ceremonialise it by writing a blog entry.
Today is another day flooded with ideas. I'll be interested to see how the medication works in my quieter, flatter time. The last time it made me less depressed and that is a great thing.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Over a month

It's been over a month since I did an entry. I've been put on some new medication and it's taken some getting used to. Like my first medication when I came out of hospital this medication has slowed my idea of time right down. Everything goes really slowly. Whereas the other medication drove me nuts I am finding this new medication very good. My thoughts are slowed down where I can see what to do and can move quietly and thoughtfully ahead with what I want to do.
I have a huge problem with sequencing thoughts and actions and get myself in all sorts of trouble. This new medication is helping me to sequence things better. I am well pleased.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Hope

Have been feeling pretty hopeless about a lot of things in my life until yesterday when I realised I feel hopeless today but there is hope for tomorrow. There is also a lot I can feel hopeful about today. Whenever I do my gratitudes I realise how many of my hopes have been answered...the hope that a friend will phone, hope that it will rain. At the moment I feel hopeless about overseas travel but that is just for today. There is plenty of hope for me to travel in the future. I feel really pleased about what I have discovered about hope
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Gratitude

Dear friend,
Many years ago Oprah mentioned keeping a graitude journal by writing down 5 things I was grateful for each day. On and off I have tried to keep one and only this year have turned it into a habit where I do it every night before bed.

I write as many gratitudes as I can and am amazed at the wonders and achievements and inspirations during the day.

My gratitude journal has changed my life for the better.

Lots of love from Susan in Australia
srhosken.blogspot.com
susanhosken.blogspot.com
PS I am still on a high but managed 8 hours sleep last night. I have been getting some great advice on how to better deal with my quiet time.

Too many choices

I've gone from losing touch with my creativity in 2005 to 30 projects on the go. This is too many. How do you manage the flood of ideas, making choices of what to do, starting, progressing and finishing. I am going to add this as a forum discussion as I am interested in what you think.

Lots of love from Susan in Australia
srhosken.blogspot.com
susanhosken.blogspot.com
PS I am in zippy mode and on 3-4 hours sleep. Needed a nap today. Always have to take each day as it comes and manage my energy the best way I can. It's challenging.

Being still

Dear friend,
For more than 25 years I have walked an hour a day on a meditation walk where I let go of my concerns and worries and meditate. Now I am retired I walk to the beach and back. Occasionally a friend comes with me or my family and they always suggest stopping on the way for a rest and a chat. The other day I thought why don't I ever stop on my walks and be still....so I've started doing just that. It is a fascinating and surprising experience. I never realised how busy I am always doing something. I am finally learning to be still. I am doing the same with bubble baths where I don't read anymore I just lie and relax.

Lots of love from Susan in Australia
srhosken.blogspot.com
susanhosken.blogspot.com

PS I am in a zippy up mode as it is another full moon and I am usually up before dawn and busy, busy, busy. I am looking at ways to enjoy the New moon time when I am usually oversleeping and doing very little. i find these times more difficult to manage.

Letting go ...surrendering

Dear friend,
I was inspired by Claude to chop up one of my Oprah magazines...but which one...I chose Letting go and surrendering. I read a few of the articles and realised how controlling I am as a person with all my lists and agendas and have tos. I get so stressed out at times ... often....I need to lighten up and let go and surrender to the Divine energy. Started as of yesterday....spooky feeling letting the day unfold rather than as a timetabled event. Of course I have had relaxing days in the past but they are usually holidays not how I usually live. As of now I literally surrender...I'm giving up the battle of trying to achieve so much and let my life unfold. What a revelation.

Lots of love from Susan in Australia
PS This will make a huge change in how I treat my mood swings....hopefully a bit more going with the flow rather than controlling

Collaging an Oprah magazine

Dear friend,
I was just reading how Claude collaged an Oprah magazine and I thought oh my goodness....I love my Oprah magazines.....I couldn't chop them up. Funny really because I have journaled in the magazines whereby I write in all the blank areas. I love journaling in magazines so I can enjoy the magazine and the illustrations and articles while I journal. I can alter the magazine by writing all over it but was horrified at the thought of chopping it up....now the idea delights me....I can't wait to see which one I choose...a nice large one or a thin one...on what topic? I'll add the collage pages to my healing journal. Thanks for the inspiration Claude.

Lots of love from Susan in Australia
PS I've just survived another really bad down time. i am journaling about what I actually do manage to achieve in my bad times and I really do much more than I imagine

feeling sorry for myself

Just want to feel sorry for myself ...here's as good a place as any....there is probably just me here anyway...my new medication that was supposed to work really well made me even sicker with really high highs and really low lows. In the scheme of things this isn't any big deal. It's not life threatening as i doubt I'd ever attempt suicide again......just feel grumpy and angry and sad and sorry for myself. I was hoping to be able to do a lot more with my life rather than blogging and beach walks....luckier than some.... When I get high i have all these grand ideas of what I'll do with my life and then in a few days all the ideas dissolve into hopelessness. I had a phonecall from a real estate who informed me i had told him I was coming into an inheritance and was going to buy some property!!!!!.....at least I didn't sell the house. Right now I'd like to chat with another rapid cycler and we could both feel sorry for ourselves without any one telling us to be glad for what we do have etc etc etc....i keep a gratitude journal so tonight I will list all my gratitudes for today which won't include my complaining here.
I do not want to go back to my psychiatrist as i am so tired with my moods and not knowing form one day to the next what mischief I am up to.
From one very grumpy Susan in Australia

Favourite possession

One of my favourite possessions is a mug with two of my now deceased cats on it. I love using it because it often reminds me of them and my friend who gave it to me.

What is your favourite possession and why?

Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Been promising myself

I've been promising myself I'll be more accepting of my nature and health problems. I've been promising myself to lighten up more. I've been promising myself to exercise more and to eat more moderately.
What promises have you made to yourself? Have you kept them?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia
srhosken.blogspot.com
susanhosken.blogspot.com

Duplicating blog

Dear friends,
I do a daily blog on a creative group on Ning and thought I would duplicate it here as well for those who don't belong to the group.
I love getting older and learning more about life and how to live better. I certainly enjoy life better now I know better. I am wiser and more experienced and can look back on the past with gratitude for what I have experienced and learned.

Are you improving with age? How?

Lots of love from Susan in Australia
srhosken.blogspot.com
susanhosken.blogspot.com

PS I've just been through another quick manic phase and overbooked my calendar and having to ring people to cancel and make life more realistic.

New meds

Dear friends,
New meds have kicked in. I am dealing with tired, chaotic times much better. Quite often when I am in my busy, zippy, up mode I create a lot of activities and things around the house, my art work. etc and other activities and it becomes quite chaotic. Then I get suddenly overwhelmed , tired and distressed. I rarely can get myself out of it for some time and have resorted to phoning my mum to help me sequence my thinking into how to clear up.
These meds are helping to sequence clearing up the chaos and not creating so much chaos in the first place.
Still don't know if the meds are going to make me more down as they did when I first went on them and got really, really anxious. Time will tell.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Zippy in action

Dear friend,
Past few days I have been getting up around 3 am and getting 3-4 hours sleep. Certainlly getting a lot o creative things done.
I still walk an hour a day usually to the beach. I use an exercise bike, weights and do stretching exercises when I can. Physical activity helps a lot with my mental state.
Do you find physical activity helps your state of mind?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Enjoying the journey

Dear friend,
Started this blog wanting to go to NY and more and more doctors, friends and family say it will be impossible for me and for today it certainly is so I am enjoying small trips instead. There is a cheap Sunday public transport ticket and I am going traveling to places really close by. Caught the train to local beach suburb and had a scone, jam and cream, did some sketching and came home. I was thrilled.
I don't dare tell some people in my life as they'd find my enthusiasm ridiculous. My mum and some of my friends are now joining me on my/ our adventures.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Full moon high

Dear friend,
I get high around the full moon as many people do with mental illness. It is a full moon now and I was up at 4 am and delighting in the moon amidst the clouds.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Inner child

Dear friends,
I have decided to start another blog on a "Ning" creativity group I belong to. It will be a light relief from this more serious blog. There was a request in the group for baby photos and I thought I'd add it here as well.
I've been put on more medication to see if we can smooth out my rapid cycling. I didn't want to do it and even asked my mum along to the appointment to make sure I followed orders. Many of us bipolars don't take our meds and I have a long history of non compliance.
I am finding the new creativity group I belong to delightful and very uplifting.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Survived another rapid cycle

Dear friend,
Just been through another hellish down cycle of mental illness. I only get it mild ....I don't buy ferraris, murder anyone. I just wonder if I have friends at the end of it and look forward to getting out of clothes I've slept and lived in for a week and hope I haven't done any damage abusing medications. In my down cycle I usually sit in a chair staring into space not wanting to be alive and making numerous phone calls to my mum and a close friend begging for help.
It's the mental torment, the insane thinking that is the real hell part...it's pain beyond description although I have read others who describe it well.
I feel for those of you who aren't rapid cyclers who go through months of hell at a time.
Lots of love from Susan in AUstralia

Lighten up

Dear friend,
I received a tarot reading from a Celtic priest who told me to lighten up more. I enjoy my walks to the beach and paddling but a lot of my life is very intense. How do I lighten up?
How do you live your life lightly?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Regret

Dear friend,
There are a lot of mistakes I have made in life but I have no regrets as my choices have landed me here now and I like where I am on the journey.
Do you have regrets? Do you like your life?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Fear

Dear friend,
I sometimes let fear in which serves me no purpose as if freezes me from taking action. I always challenge my fears by doing what I'm scared of and I am surprised at the outcomes.
Are you fearful of things? Do you challenge your fears?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Enjoy the journey

Dear friend,
In my journals I constantly write "Enjoying the journey" on the pages and when I sign off my emails I say "enjoy the journey". To me it is important to remember to enjoy life rather than focusing on the negativity or the destinations ahead. I am working on enjoying everything I do.
Do you enjoy the journey? Do you enjoy your life sometimes or most of the time?
Enjoy the journey. Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Time management

Dear friend,
I got up late this morning and I have much to do. I am having to create different priorities.
How do you manage your time? What do you do when you have many things to do in a day?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia
PS Couldn't even wait for blogger to download a picture for today!!!!!!

Dreams

Dear friend,
I'm grateful that my dad taught me at a young age how to interact with my sleep dreams. A friend taught me more about the Jungian symbolism in dreams.
I keep a dream journal and learn a lot each morning interpreting my dreams and what is concerning me at an unconscious level.
Do you dream? Do you keep a dream journal? Do you interpret and interact with your dreams consciously?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Not lost after all

Dear friend,
When I was forced due to ill health to leave my large garden and move to a place with a tiny garden I thought I'd never see trees for my basketry again. The other day I spotted a willow tree and have already started a willow basket.
What in your life did you think you'd lost and you found it or them again?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia
PS The photo is of the beach where I walk most days.

Families

I was just doing a collage of my family and I thought how wonderful it is to have people I can depend on.
It wasn't always the case - my family had lots of denial about my mental illness just like me. Mental illness can be so deceptive.
Can you dpend on your family? Do you trust them?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Moderation

Dear friend,
The hardest thing to do in my life is to be moderate which isn't necessarly a good thing all the time but when you have rapid cycling bipolar with highs and lows it's nice to be in the middle and moderate some of the time.
I am learning to be more moderate with many of my activities although my artwork and love of sugar foods are still in the extreme along with excessive writng and studying.
Are you an extreme person or moderate? What are you extreme about?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Transformation

Dear friend,
There are times in peoples lives when there is a huge transformation from what they were to a new self. Someone might start high school, get married, have children, divorce, get cancer and transform.
I am in the midst of a transformation at the moment. Things I couldn 't do a year ago I am now doing with ease like cooking and going to the movies at a busy shopping complex.
What have been major transformations in your life? Are you in a transformation at the moment?
Enjoy the journey. Lots of love from Susan in Australia
PS Up at 4am and still rather manic with lots of ideas....too many ideas to action

A bit manic!!!

Dear friend,
Woke this morning bright eyed and zippy after 4 hours sleep. I am restraining myself from going on a massive buying spree. I have a huge array of notes with lots and lots of ideas and things to do and activities contained in my study with the full awareness of there being too many ideas for me to ever do it all. I am wanting to write lots of emails and make phone calls to everyone........I am decidedly manic but with my blessed medication I am at least aware of it and can restrain myself to the best of my abilities. Get ready for my usual crash and it will be heavy coming from this height. Hopefully my new meds will kick in in 3 weeks and the roller coaster will be evened out somewhat. See you soon unless I crash and I'll see you later.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Psychiatrist's

Dear friend,
I went to the psychiatrist with my mum and brother. It's a sobering experience having one's psychiatrist and family explain how unwell I can get. As much as I have improved by getting on medication and having an excellent psychiatrist I am unlikely ever to be a fully well person.
Bipolar for me is an illness that has to be managed rather than cured.
The next 2 weeks I start the new medication but with no major changes expected until I'm on a higher dose. I hope I don't lose my early mornings flooded with ideas and the thrill of life's possibilities.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

New drugs

Dear friend,
I'm off to the psychiatrist today and I'm going to need to start taking a new mood stabiliser. My mood swings have been getting increasingly extreme and I've been finding it difficult to contain my thoughts and behaviour. I have been pushing myself to achieve things with my cooking, traveling and socialising and am finding it hard to assimilate all the information. My sleeping pattern has been swinging dramatically with my mood swings. The psychiatrist has wanted me on the new medication for months. I tried it for a month but then decided I would be OK without it. The mood stabiliser I started taking a few years ago completely changed my extroverted, outgoing, chatty, creative personality into and introverted, shy, quiet, uncreative person. Mind altering drugs can be scary. Part of me is scared about this new drug.
I'm glad you are keeping me company in the coming months.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Bipolar

Dear friend,
I can tell by some of my emails and phone messages that once again I've been on a I can't cope downer. I always am sorry I've been so outspoken and dramatic. I understand absolutely why many people consider me and others with bipolar as being melodramatic . Every shift in our emotions is so momentous, so all encompassing and so often seems so absolute. Life seems so out of control and yet to an observer it's not. My mind hardly remembers the coping strategies I've thought of to get me through another downer. I'm always surprised by the next happy up and cannot understand why hours or days ago I was overwhelmed by anxiety over the simplest of life tasks.
I understand if others see me as self centred and egocentric because my moods and mental breakdowns consume so much of my time and energy to piece together a reality able to be endured or lived. When I'm on an up I'm totally consumed by spiralling thoughts and ideas and experience and cannot comprehend why everyone else isn't along for the ride.
Two days ago I was in my downtime and was supposed to be packed and ready to go away overnight to spend two days with a friend not far from where I live. Doing the simplest things in a downer is hard but I went...yes.... I went... One step at a time and the adrenalin kicked in and my mood shifted and I had a fabulous two days away. As much as I'm pleased I' m already into being consumed I'll never survive another time away and the up and down thinking spirals again.
Small successes can be such wonderful things. Such a small success to go away overnight and yet for me it's like Mt Everest and back.
My thoughts are with everyone with bipolar who are in a downtime who got from morning to night. However melodramatic and petty you appear to outsiders I understand your struggles, your endurance, and your relief at reaching the end of another day.
I hope you learnt something today to help you tomorrow.
As for you dear friend I don't need to ask if you endure too.
Lots of love from Susan in Austalia

Depend on

Dear friend,
Who do you depend on to help you through the difficult times? Do you play with the kids, phone a friend, visit your parents? Do you pray?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Crashed

Dear friend,
I've crashed again. Needing massive amounts of sleep and feeling fatigued and disorientated when awake. When I do get up I need to cancel activities I've planned and rearrange the priorities like bill paying. This has happened for over 10 years and I'm still not good at living with the roller coaster. I am so grateful that I don't work and have to disrupt other people.
I'll try and keep in contact but this blog will probably slip down the priority list.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Sleep issue again

Dear friend,
Not well this morning. Woke with the alarm and quite disorientated and just went back to bed and lay down and I went back to sleep for 2 hours. My main concern is I've organized to stay at a motel and visit a friend next week and I don't know how I will manage. Do I dare go and hope I'll be alert. How do I work in with my friend.
I am looking forward to seeing the sleep psychologist. I hope he can sort something out.
It's challenging involving friends with one's illness?
Do you have a chronic illness? How do you involve your friends?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Talking too much

Dear friend,
I went to a new age discussion last night in a small group. The leader was excellent with a lot to say. Problem is very few of the others said anything except me. I talked too much. I love participating in small group discussions but why is it that many people just sit and listen. What happens if everyone sits and listens...there is no discussion just a leader doing all the talking. I understand a lot of people are shy. Last night I should have shut up more. They are having the group again but I won't go as I'd like to hear from others rather than just the leader and I doing all the talking.
Are you a shy person or do you do a lot of talking?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia
PS Sleeping problem - woke at 4 and 6am and got up with alarm at 8 am but tired feeling. I hope I can keep it up.

Hard

Dear friend,
Woke at 6 am but went back to sleep until the alarm at 8. I felt groggy and light headed. I had an easy 16 days and now comes the harder times. Now would be when I sleep 10 - 15 hours.
The hardest thing I have done in life is to give up smoking. I kept trying and failing so many times and gave up for a time and then tried again. I finally succeeded.
There are many things in life that are hard and it takes courage and perserverance to succeed.
What's hard in your life? Do you perservere or give up with hard challenges?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Creativity

Dear friend,
Having written about habits and routines I feel it's important to have creative times as well. When I came out of hospital and onto new medication for my mental illness my creativity disappeared except in my writing. I couldn't garden, cook or do any of my art or craft work. It was devestating. It has slowly come back and I have relearnt many activities that I now enjoy with abandon. I try and balance my routines. socialising, going out and about with my creative pursuits. Anyone with CFS will tell you how challenging it is to get the balance of energy output right but I think balancing activities is a challenge for everyone.
What are you creative with? Have you ever lost your creativity?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia
PS Couldn't get up at 6am when I woke. I was quite tired and disorientated and finally got up at 8.30. I was really anxious because it reminded me of my old sleeping habits

Habits

Dear friend,
Day 17 of getting up early. I am still waking up at 6 am before the alarm. I have never woken at 6 am in my life. It's fascinating thinking that new habits and routines are being created. Most of us have habits and routines we do on a daily, seasonal or yearly basis. With bipolar and CFS it was difficult to create habits as there were so many changes in the past. Nowadays I am much more habitual through hard work and faithfulness. I find the routines calming and nurturing.
Do you have habits and routines? How do they make you feel?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Moderation

Dear friend,
Having rapid cycling bipolar over the years and unmedicated has meant I have been very extreme in my moods. Either I'd be up and zippy and full of ideas or down, depressed and often suicidal. My eating habits, my lifestyle. my behaviour towards others would be one extreme or another.
Even on medication there is a noticeable change. Over the past few years I have been learning about moderation and how to smooth out my extremes. Habits and routines are amazing things to create a sense of order, familiarity and consistancy.
Now that I have been getting up early I have time to get even more things in order like getting the dishes done each day and the bedspread on the bed.
Are you moderate or extreme? Do you have routines and habits?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Chaos and sequencing

Dear friend,
Yesterdays entry has gone missing!
I'm not sure if sequencing is a problem with other people with bipolar but it is with me.
As I often have so many thoughts in my head it is difficult to put them in order. This is the case with activities. If I have to do something that requires making order out of chaos I find it extremely difficult. If I have to do the washing it is quite straightforward taking things out of laundry basket into the machine but taking them out I have to hang things in a specific order on the line otherwise I get confused. Dishes are extemely difficult as they are all over the place and I can't figure out the order to wash them in. When I dry them and I see the huge pile and I have to concentrate carefully on taking one item at a time to dry. I can drive known places easily, vacuuming is hard because I can't figure out where I've vacuumed and where I haven't and I have to try and be very systematic.
Do you have problems sequencing? What activities are hard...and easy?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia
PS I have been getting up before the alarm for over a fortnight now. Awesome change.

Life's challenge

Dear friend,
I really like to believe that when people meet me they are touched by my kindness and sincerity.
I work hard at life and although I live a very privileged life in relation to people of the world I find life very challenging. When I was very sick with bipolar mostly I wished I was dead. I found most of of life quite intolerabe - it seemed such a struggle with the way my mind worked and I didn't understand people or life.
Nowadays I understand the adventure of life and the challenge of it. I have created a very pleasant and enjoyable life for myself and haven't suffered deep depression for quite some years now.
The hardest thing about mental illness is trying to use a brain that isn't working properly to do things. I am learning lots of detours.
Do you find life a challenge? Do you find life easy? Do you love life?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Reliable

For most of my adult life I have been quite an unreliable person due to my moods. It never occurred to me until now having ever changing moods affects everything I do even now. Most of my friends and family can predict with reasonable certainty what they'll do. With me if would depend if I'm up and zippy, full of energy and enthusiastic or down, introverted and depressed. I would often get distracted and be late or not turn up at all. My CFS has made my unreliability even worse.
Nowadays with my medication and better life management I am much more reliable, routine and predicatable. It is a calmer way to live. I am hoping to get my sleeping better so I"m even more reliable. It's a nice feeling.
Are you reliable?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Promises

Dear friend,
Day 12 of getting up early. Slept 8 hours today which is terrific. It's still early days.
I don't make promises to myself about anything because I hate breaking promises. I get really disappointed with other people who promise to do something and don't. I make goals and intentions in my life but never promises.
I wonder who disappointed me in the past to make me so extreme about it.
Do you make promises to yourself and / or others? Do you fulfill them or do you disappoint?
PS I'm off shopping with my mum today. I've been enjoying these new shopping outings and I'm getting better at negotiating all the different stimuli. I have to be careful with my spending because I can over buy.

Kindness

Dear friend,
When my mum dies she says she would like to be remembered as a kind person. She is very kind to me and others.
I am many things but I hope I am kind. It is a gentle word but still has strength in it. I am most definitely kind to animals because they are so vulnerable. I like being kind to people because it usually touches their heart. Kindness is rather like smiling - if you give a smile away the person usually smiles back. Treat a person with kindness and they are softened, humanised and often made kind even for a moment. In recent years I have learnt to be kind to myself. I hope I am seen as a kind person,
Are you kind? Do people treat you with kindness? Are you kind to yourself?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia
PS Iwent on an adventure yesterday and visited an art shop and two galleries. I am making huge strides with my confidence in new places.

Inspiration

Dear friend,
As I am sleeping less I have lots of time to do my artwork. It fascinates me with what I am inspired to do. I believe I am connected to / part of the Divine and that's where the ideas come from.
In my day to day life ideas just come for me to do things, go places. contact people.
It is part of my fascination to journal - watching the ideas unfold.
Life inspires life. Everything around me inspires me to be better, to aim for my goals, to achieve.
What inspires you? Where do you get your ideas from of what to be and do in your life?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Every day matters

**********A decorated bull clip!!!! for my loose leaf journal*********

Dear friend,
I belong to a yahoo group .... Every Day Matters which is for people who love drawing and painting and celebrating every day life.
Having suffered severe fatigue to the point of sleeping all day and only getting to the toilet and for some water I have learnt to celebrate every small achievement in my life on a daily basis. Only these past few weeks have I started closing my curtains at night and putting my bedspread on the bed in the the mornings. In the past these jobs like many others took too much energy. I've had to make serious choices on what really matters to me each day and i celebrate it.
What matters to you in your daily life? Do you have energy to do everything you want to do? How do you decide what's important?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Get the life you love

5 hours sleep - day 8
One thing I've learnt about life is you can't always get what you want ...sounds like a song!!! Seriously, when my life threw me the challenge of bipolar I thought how do I ever love my life if I sufferer so much depression. I learnt the serenity prayer very early on -

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference"

Many people around the world work the 12 step program (Alcoholics Anonymous etc.) and share my love of the prayer so I'm among friends,
The life I have today is the best I've ever known because each day I learn to live by the serenity prayer.
Do you love your life? Why? Why not? What changes? What stays the same?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Organization

*********************** Flowers from my old garden ***********************

Dear friend,
As I've been sleeping less - today it has been 4 hours, I have so much more time to do things. I have been doing things like sorting out the papers and rubbish in my purse and bags, tidying bookshelves and organizing my files.
Being a cataloging librarian I love organizatiion with a passion but rarely have time to be super organized because I love doing so many activities. I am one of those people who likes things in their specific positions with some intensional changes, My wardrobe, pantry and linen cupboard all have their familiar places for things. My mum is the same.
Are you a neatness person or chaotic and messy? How do you organize the things in your life?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

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Illness

Dear friend,
I'm still in my wake at 6 mode but stayed in bed until 8. I'm still not sure whether to aim at 8 hours or to get up when I am awake. Any advice?
I have a bad cold and I was raised with a mum who did lots of nice things when you are sick. Yesterday I settled into the midday movie, had a lovely afternoon tea using honey and sesame seeds and carrots. I cooked a yummo steamed fish and vegetables. Generally had a relaxing, play day at home. I'm planning the same today along with a short walk.
How do you treat yourself when you are sick with flu or cold?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Achievement

Dear friend,
Sorry I missed a day...I'm sick with a cold and I was away for the weekend minus a computer.
A huge achievement for me being away for the second weekend in a month, It is rather overwhelming with all the different sights and experiences and lack of familiarity and routine but I had a great time.
It's great to make goals and achieving them. I want to get overseas so first step is at least a night away from home ...so far so good.
What goals do you have?
What steps are you taking to achieve them?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Where do you go for advice?

Dear friend,
Do you know how to care for a maidenhair fern? Mine has been struggling for months. I don't know what to do to help.
Where do I go for advice when I don't have the answer myself? Where do you? I was up at 5am after 5 hours sleep. This is fine if I didn't also have days when I need 15 hours. I saw the psychiatrist yesterday and he wants me on another medication. He's wanted me on this medication for a long time now. The medication I'm on radically changed my personality and creativity in particular. I couldn't do gardening, cook, do my craft, etc and for someone creative it was soul destroying. I am now changed in a good way without the aggression, overspending, irrational thoughts, antisocial behaviour, etc but I'm changed. My creativity is back too. I guess I don't want more change in me good or bad. Medication that changes the sense of who I am is still spooky for me even when it's beneficial.
At the moment I've said I want to see if I can change my sleeping patterns myself. I'm not at the hard part yet of long sleeping nights and needing to get up at 8.30.
What would be your advice?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia
PS I'm making a commitment to write to you evryday unless I'm sick or the computer is

Begin it

Dear friend,
Goethe wrote...."Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace, and power in it"
I used to have this written on my wall in my old house. When I was really ill I decided it would be a nice idea if I did lots of writing on the walls. I actually liked it but nowadays I write nice words on cards and put pictures and collages with it and put those around the house instead. I'm a lot more conservative nowadays because of medication and also age I'd say. I found what Goethe wrote really inspiring and have begun many things in my life. I'm sure Goethe wrote something about perserverance because that is the issue after starting something.......like a new sleep routine!!!
I survived day one and didn't have a nap and went to bed tired but not sleepy at 11 and probably fell asleep before 12. Woke at 7. Question is do I get up or go back to sleep and wait for the alarm? I decided to get up if I've had 6 or more hours sleep and see how that goes.
Have you started anything new lately? Are you perservering?
Lots of love from Susan in Australia