Survived another rapid cycle

Dear friend,
Just been through another hellish down cycle of mental illness. I only get it mild ....I don't buy ferraris, murder anyone. I just wonder if I have friends at the end of it and look forward to getting out of clothes I've slept and lived in for a week and hope I haven't done any damage abusing medications. In my down cycle I usually sit in a chair staring into space not wanting to be alive and making numerous phone calls to my mum and a close friend begging for help.
It's the mental torment, the insane thinking that is the real hell part...it's pain beyond description although I have read others who describe it well.
I feel for those of you who aren't rapid cyclers who go through months of hell at a time.
Lots of love from Susan in AUstralia