Thursday, July 26, 2007

Bipolar

Dear friend,
I can tell by some of my emails and phone messages that once again I've been on a I can't cope downer. I always am sorry I've been so outspoken and dramatic. I understand absolutely why many people consider me and others with bipolar as being melodramatic . Every shift in our emotions is so momentous, so all encompassing and so often seems so absolute. Life seems so out of control and yet to an observer it's not. My mind hardly remembers the coping strategies I've thought of to get me through another downer. I'm always surprised by the next happy up and cannot understand why hours or days ago I was overwhelmed by anxiety over the simplest of life tasks.
I understand if others see me as self centred and egocentric because my moods and mental breakdowns consume so much of my time and energy to piece together a reality able to be endured or lived. When I'm on an up I'm totally consumed by spiralling thoughts and ideas and experience and cannot comprehend why everyone else isn't along for the ride.
Two days ago I was in my downtime and was supposed to be packed and ready to go away overnight to spend two days with a friend not far from where I live. Doing the simplest things in a downer is hard but I went...yes.... I went... One step at a time and the adrenalin kicked in and my mood shifted and I had a fabulous two days away. As much as I'm pleased I' m already into being consumed I'll never survive another time away and the up and down thinking spirals again.
Small successes can be such wonderful things. Such a small success to go away overnight and yet for me it's like Mt Everest and back.
My thoughts are with everyone with bipolar who are in a downtime who got from morning to night. However melodramatic and petty you appear to outsiders I understand your struggles, your endurance, and your relief at reaching the end of another day.
I hope you learnt something today to help you tomorrow.
As for you dear friend I don't need to ask if you endure too.
Lots of love from Susan in Austalia

3 comments:

Zephyr Djinn said...

OMG. Thank you. Today I Googled bipolar +melodramatic to try to find some correlation to maybe prove that I'm not bipolar. I found your blog. I am 50 years old and have recently been diagnosed as bipolar. I was totally freaked by that word. My mind has been spinning and I have been swinging several times a day since. I always thought I was just melodramatic and self-absorbed. I was also contributing my swings to menopause although I've been using that excuse since I was 30.

Susan Hosken said...

Zephyr, I doubt you will receive this reply but I'll write anyway. I haven't done my blog in months. I didn't think anyone read it. I am so glad you got help from my blog. Be gentle with yourself and your bipolar. It's not an easy road. All the very best to you.
lots of love from susan in australia

Susan Hosken said...

People rarely come to my blogs. I do it for me. I have no idea how many lurkers there are. I love my daily emailing now. I love it.
lots of love from susan in australia