Money and mental illness

I am picking up my new cherry red Toyota Corolla hatchback today. I'll then take my friend for a spin down the beach. I am so, so glad to be getting it as i never imagined I could afford it being on a pension. It is a real challenge going from a full paying job onto a pension. When I was really sick I didn't manage my money well and often thought I was a lot wealthier than i was and would buy foolish things. I am so glad that I haven't been as mentally ill as some people. i have never got myself into serious trouble with money and have always met my financial commitments and paid my bills on time. I think my guardian angel must have been looking after me all these years.
Do you have financial problems? I'll put you in my prayers for some resolutions to them if you do.
lots of love from susan in australai

My dad

I went to my counsellor yesterday and we talked about my dad. It was really great to be able to finally accept that he is at peace. He died 18 years ago and I have always regretted not being able to know him since I have been well on my medication. He has only ever known me as very, very mentally ill. I believe people are in our lives to learn various lessons and I finally accept that dad and I shared our lessons. He didn't need to stick around for my getting well. I can now look at the picture of him beside my bed and be at peace about our relationship. I finally have no regrets.
Do you have anyone that has died where you still have regrets?
Lots of love from susan in australia

Tears

I have cried so many tears in my life through the dreadful years of depression and threats and suicide attempts. In the past 6 years since I was last in the psych hospital I haven't cried much at all. Tears are associated with such pain and anguish. I want to be able to cry particularly tears of joy. Today I was brought to tears by friends I email. It was wonderful to feel the sense of tears coming and then to let them happen. Tears of joy and also sad tears at the thought of the death of my beloved cat Sooty. Tears are such a blessing. Sad tears and happy tears. I read somewhere that happy tears are chemically different from sad tears. Don't know if it is true but it sounds good.
lots of love from susan in australia

Choices

A dear friend of mine has to make an important choice between 2 job opportunities. It is a huge decision with lots of repercussions. When I have important choices to make I always journal about it writing everything I think about it down. I pray continuously for God's guidance and direction and then I listen in my heart for where God wants me to go. I try to get out of my head because that gets too confusing and argumentative. I try and get my intuition going so I can sense the decision I have to make.
How do you make decisions in your life?
lots of love from susan in australia

Self acceptance

I have been having some huge lessons this week about my self esteem and self acceptance. I find it really hard to accept that I am a complicated, messy, chaotic person. I'd like to be simple, serene, orderly, calm but I'm not most of the time. I am realising life is a whole lot better when I accept who i am and love myself. I don't know how much of my mess and chaos is because of my mental illness and how much is my personality. Does it matter.
One thing I don't do is accept that I have a mental illness. How do I do that? How do I accept that I have a mental illness that affects the way I think.
See you tomorrow
Lots of love from susan in australia
PS I have discovered my personal style of art....yes you guessed it ...it is complicated, messy and chaotic....that's part of me not all of me.

Facts not feelings

I relearn this lesson on a regular basis. Having a mental illness that is so linked with my up and down moods I tend to focus on what and how I am feeling at any particular time. Moods and feelings can be so changeable and impressions differ depending on how you look at them. I am learning to look at the facts of a situation rather than the feelings to get a more accurate impression. I might be feeling really anxious and fearful about something and am convinced i am doing a really bad job when in fact I am doing really well.
Lots of love from susan in australia

Despondent

So much of what I do is connected to how I am feeling. If I am up and high life is fantastic and full of inspiration. When I am a bit flat like today I am despondent and lack inspiration. I want to learn how to appreciate life more regardless of my moods and feelings. I keep a gratitude journal that I write in every night but I don't fully appreciate all that I am grateful for.
Lots of love from susan in australia