Awake

I've had a few nights sleeping 12-13 hours and now I'm swinging into the being awake at 1.30 am and not being able to sleep. I'm quite used to the cycles of too much sleep and then normal sleep....getting up at midday and then getting up at 6am. I forced myself out of bed the other morning and was quite spaced out for the day...not a good feeling. Sometimes I can force myself to get up and I'm OK.
I've been checking out the blogs of some other people with mental illness and they are inspiring and help me to keep going. Some of them have the same problems with anxiety and panic outside of their comfort zones. I am doing really well going to the movies and the busy shopping complex but I think part of it is it is becoming familiar. I want to go to an exhibition in the city and I am quite anxious about the train trip and all the unfamiliar places. It's been a long time since I have been to the city. I am trying not to beat myself up about it. I pencilled it in for this Thursday but I am already chickening out and it's only Tuesday morning.
My moods have been stable now for over 10 weeks. It's been incredible. I am going through my quiet phase at the moment when I don't do a lot and am not zippy but my mood is still quite contented and OK.....no down time. It's such a great experience. It was really pleasant today to just relax and do very little without getting down and depressed. i am seeing the psychiatrist on Friday and it will be interesting to see what he has to say about my mood still being so stable.
I'll try and go to sleep again.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia