Haven't been here since December. I couldn't see the point if I'm the only one reading it. Today though I got a comment from a lady who has just been diagnosed with bipolar at 50. She was pleased to read my blog. I was just rereading some of my entries and could easily see my highs and lows.
I am feeling quite despondent at the moment although I have had a month of fantastic achievements. I went away overnight again and had a great time, I visited an artists retreat in a challenging part of the countryside and I also challenged my phobia of going to busy shopping malls. I took myself to 3 movies which is another great breakthrough. I visited a friend who is back from a one month holiday away. I suddenly felt pathetic with my achievements. Yep, I've done it again. I've compared myself to other people. Compare and despair!!!! It doesn't help me at all. I always feel so bad with what I have achieved in my life because I always look at someone who is doing much better than me. I never say how would that person cope with being in my circumstances.
I honestly try to do the best I can but it so often doesn't seem to be enough.
I will talk to my psychiatrist and counsellor. They both think I am doing really well. I wish I could feel the same.
Why do I feel so despondent. I am heading off to buy a new car. Surely that is a good thing. Silly Susan.
lots of love from susan in australia