New coffee and gift shop and going to church again

Dear friends,
I visited a new shop that has arrived in my local shops. It is a gift and coffee shop and I told the lady as I was buying a few things that I don't often have coffee out as I don't enjoy it. The next day I thought why don't I go and be amongst people and do some sketching and that is what I did. I had a delightful time sketching children's toys and had a great conversation with a man with two children about the coming grand final for the footy.
I decided I will do this more on my up days.
I am also planning to go to the Dali exhibition. The last time I went to a Dali exhibition was November 2002 just after I came out of hospital and was still really sick. Any wonder it has taken me a while to get my confidence up to return to seeing Dali again. I may get some good ideas for my art and story telling.
I went to the old Koornang Uniting Church today to hear my friend Susan preach. it was great to see all my old friends there. I got all these grand ideas of going back often but I know I am in an up mode and get grand plans. At least I know this fact now and can just live in the day.
Off to tarot day at a friends. Should be good to see old friends.
I am in a bit of an up mode and the bed is strewn with projects to do. The rest of the house is tidy and I only need to do the dishes before the cleaner comes tomorrow.
I am hoping to email again next SUnday. Sundays is church and days to relax and enjoy.
lots of love from susan in australia

A bit more realism

Dear friends,
It is another few weeks since my last up time. I only seem to blog here when I am on an up and zippy. Being really realistic this time though. I always get grand plans for traveling when I am on my ups and even when I am down I wish I could travel but realistically I am more a home body and visit friends in their homes too. My adventures out are usually to the local art galleries and the very occasional outing. I started this blog with high hopes of getting overseas especially to New York but realistically I rarely even get into town to see our own art gallery let alone the MET in NY.
I guess I think traveling is adventurous full of excitement and happenings and daily life isn't that.
I have bought a copy of Julia Camerons artist dates and it is full of little adventures and I have done many of them in my life. I realise that my life is more about the little adventures, the small achievements. Nothing makes me happier than a morning emailing friends and visiting my favourite sites. I also love afternoons visiting my friends and family. I love my daily visit to the same beach. I like my occasional adventures to local motels and places.
i have a very blessed life despite my mental illness.
Today is one of those days I acknowledge that. I have less high hopes and more gratitude today.
how about you?
lots of love from susan in australia

Barbie show!!!!!

Dear friends,
I love Barbie and have a nice little collection of them and have one or more displayed in my home for my pleasure. I love Barbie. Recently there was a Barbie exhibition in the city and I would love to go......how to cope with my anxiety. When I checked the web site to see what dates the exhibition was on there was only that day and it was going to close. What could I do. I had a busy day planned but my inner child kept saying...take me, take me to the Barbie show. So I did it. Felt the fear and did it anyway. I read on the train and took photos out the window to distract my anxieties. I had ticket problems and finding the place problems but I did it!!!! I got there and saw hundreds of Barbies. I didn't stay long as crowds add to my anxiety but I bought a few trinkets and headed home. I was so pleased with myself. Well done Suse. Well done.
lots of love from susan in australia

Progress

dear friends, Since last month I have a new gardener and had my first house cleaners. Yesterday i organised a nice new private lady to come and clean. So definite progress from last month. I am still only able to go away for overnight stays but am trying to think of strategies for how to do a two night away. This will be for next year sometime as I have commitments for the next few months with my overnight stays.
My latest up time only lasted a day this time which is strange. normally I am on the up cycle for 9 to 15 days. I am sleeping in and not able to get up because i am flat but notice I am quite energised during the day. All very new and not the usual cycles. I am realising i need to live in the day and just take one day at a time and do what i can with each day rather than live around the cycles. It has been a huge lesson for me.
I am very blessed to be able to do what i can with my mental illness and CFS. I need to count my blessings more than at the end of the day in my journal. I was doing gratitudes on my walk and during the day during my last down time.
i am doing really well with my weight loss as well. The doctor is really pleased. i am still overweight but 12 kilos lighter than I was which i should be more pleased about. I will work on this for this coming month. To be grateful for the weight loss i have achieved. The doctor said as long as i stay stable that is an achievement and this morning I have done way better than that. I am pleased. Now I just need to stay abstinent for the month.
lots of love from susan in australia

Disappointed but recovering

Dear friends, I have had a bad three weeks and realise I have been pushing too hard and it is unlikely I will be able to travel far for the foreseeable future. I had such high hopes and plans and was organising a 2 day away to a nearby coastal town of Geelong. It would be all too much I realise that. I am also not coping with my house and garden and am looking into a cleaner and gardener to help me out. I feel so disappointed that i haven't been improving more and coping. My wonderful friends including many emailers have been so encouraging these past few days at my realisation that I need to take things easier. Many friends tell me I need to appreciate that I can at least get away overnight. Many people can't even do that. I have email friends who can't get away because they are housebound. I need to be grateful. I now have 4 friends who live in New York where I would love to go so that is a blessing and I still have my beloved Sara jane who is in my novel who lives in New York so I can live through her. I wonder what is on at the MET at the moment!!! Thanks for all your love and support.
lots of love from susan in australia
PS As I am back in zippy mode I am plotting and scheming an idea of going into Melbourne in my next zippy phase. I realize I can't travel far when I am quiet and down but how far can I get in my zippy mode. I'll keep you posted

Traveling update

Dear friends, The main reason I write this blog is to share my ongoing challenge of overcoming my fears of traveling from home. I am still going to motels close to home and staying overnight. I go shopping, do my art, write, read and watch TV, have bubble baths and enjoy nice meals. I have been doing this for a while now.
Last week i ventured into the country an hour from home to visit an old friend and i got lost but still got there and am ready for another challenge.
This morning I have been up since 3.15 am so a bit zippy so I have been tossing around ideas for my next bit of traveling.
I still go to a local motel every couple of months and am getting to know the managers and the local restauranteur and other shops around.
I keep thinking about going into the city but keep chickening out. I am still succeeding with baby steps.
lots of love from susan in australia

Japanese Mountain Retreat

Dear friend,
I did it, I did it, I did it. I did the challenging drive to Montrose to the Japanese Mountain Retreat. I find all the trucks on the road and the unknown territory a bit scary but I stayed focused and I did it.
The retreat was tremendous. It was a lovely place amidst Australian bushland. I had a hot stone massage, a Japanese banquet, a spa bath by candlelight, drew, read, went for walks. Read my travel book of Japan.
One thing I realised though is my idea of going to a Japanese village for 10 days isn't workable. I'd get too lonely on my own. I was disappointed for a few weeks at the idea of not being able to travel overseas. Then I came upon the idea of New York again and staying at a hotel near the metropolitan Museum of Art and seeing my friends and I thought I can do that. Easy, breezy I can do that. I have already practiced a few overnight stays at motels and have been thinking today of going into Melbourne for a few days as a practice run and as an adventure.
I was going to stay near the zoo for a couple of days but a friend said she'd like to do a day trip so I have made a change of plans.
I feel so inspired this morning at the thought of going to New York and it is closer than I think. I thought it would take me years to get the confidence up but I am confident today. OK Susan one step at a time just lets see how Melbourne goes first. I am deciding when is good to go. I thought August.
Meanwhile I have my next overnight stay planned for Frankston only 30 minutes away. I'll get my car an oil change while I am there.
lots and lots of love from susan in australia