I'm back

Haven't been here since December. I couldn't see the point if I'm the only one reading it. Today though I got a comment from a lady who has just been diagnosed with bipolar at 50. She was pleased to read my blog. I was just rereading some of my entries and could easily see my highs and lows.
I am feeling quite despondent at the moment although I have had a month of fantastic achievements. I went away overnight again and had a great time, I visited an artists retreat in a challenging part of the countryside and I also challenged my phobia of going to busy shopping malls. I took myself to 3 movies which is another great breakthrough. I visited a friend who is back from a one month holiday away. I suddenly felt pathetic with my achievements. Yep, I've done it again. I've compared myself to other people. Compare and despair!!!! It doesn't help me at all. I always feel so bad with what I have achieved in my life because I always look at someone who is doing much better than me. I never say how would that person cope with being in my circumstances.
I honestly try to do the best I can but it so often doesn't seem to be enough.
I will talk to my psychiatrist and counsellor. They both think I am doing really well. I wish I could feel the same.
Why do I feel so despondent. I am heading off to buy a new car. Surely that is a good thing. Silly Susan.
lots of love from susan in australia

Not as often as I'd like

I'm not here as often as I would like. A friend was asking about my blogging. I'm on the computer every day but I rarely feel in the mood to blog....maybe once a month which isn't enough if you enjoy popping past to see what I've been doing.
It's been a rough month with incredible fatigue with my chronic fatigue syndrome. I've had to do a lot of lying down and life gets pretty tedious.
I am great when I am feeling mildly manic and zippy whereas the quiet, down time is really challenging. I wonder how other rapid cycling bipolars manage the quiet down times. At times I wish I had a fellow sufferer to chat to. It is hard for friends and family to understand my constant change in moods.
I have been studying the lunar charts more closely lately. I am always up near and at the full moon and I am usually down and quiet for the new moon. I want to learn to be more in tune with the lunar cycle.
That's all for today.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

A quiet day

I've been doing really well on the new meds. Today isn't so good. My thoughts are quite slow and confused. I can't sort out in my head how to do things today. I have a list of what to do and will have to make notes on how to progress. I often have to make lists of what to do and steps on how to achieve it. Today is one of those days. I am in quite a muddle. It's 1.30 pm and I just had breakfast. That's OK...the best I can do.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Dear Margie

Dear Margie,
thanks so much for leaving a comment on my blog. I often feel like I am talking to myself on the blog and it is great to get feedback.
Today I have decided to make a commitment to blog each week. I want to keep in touch with how I am progressing at the moment on this new medication and it would be good to ceremonialise it by writing a blog entry.
Today is another day flooded with ideas. I'll be interested to see how the medication works in my quieter, flatter time. The last time it made me less depressed and that is a great thing.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Over a month

It's been over a month since I did an entry. I've been put on some new medication and it's taken some getting used to. Like my first medication when I came out of hospital this medication has slowed my idea of time right down. Everything goes really slowly. Whereas the other medication drove me nuts I am finding this new medication very good. My thoughts are slowed down where I can see what to do and can move quietly and thoughtfully ahead with what I want to do.
I have a huge problem with sequencing thoughts and actions and get myself in all sorts of trouble. This new medication is helping me to sequence things better. I am well pleased.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Hope

Have been feeling pretty hopeless about a lot of things in my life until yesterday when I realised I feel hopeless today but there is hope for tomorrow. There is also a lot I can feel hopeful about today. Whenever I do my gratitudes I realise how many of my hopes have been answered...the hope that a friend will phone, hope that it will rain. At the moment I feel hopeless about overseas travel but that is just for today. There is plenty of hope for me to travel in the future. I feel really pleased about what I have discovered about hope
Lots of love from Susan in Australia

Gratitude

Dear friend,
Many years ago Oprah mentioned keeping a graitude journal by writing down 5 things I was grateful for each day. On and off I have tried to keep one and only this year have turned it into a habit where I do it every night before bed.

I write as many gratitudes as I can and am amazed at the wonders and achievements and inspirations during the day.

My gratitude journal has changed my life for the better.

Lots of love from Susan in Australia
srhosken.blogspot.com
susanhosken.blogspot.com
PS I am still on a high but managed 8 hours sleep last night. I have been getting some great advice on how to better deal with my quiet time.