Home alone

Dear friends,
Over recent years with my mental illness I have had trouble when I have a day home alone with no planned activities, friends to see. I get really anxious. I am usually fine if I am in zippy, up mode as my mind floods with ideas of what to do with my art, reading, writing. When I am quiet and my mind is less full I get really anxious. I often get panicky and go over to my mothers but today I want to see if I can ride it out. I feel so aware of myself like I am in a fish bowl. It gets like that when I am quiet.
Do any of you get anxious if you are home alone?
lots of love from susan in australia

Dali exhibition

Dear friends,
Great achievement going into the city last week to go to the National Gallery of Victoria for the Dali exhibition. I went in by train and had some lunch and went quickly around the exhibit taking in enough to make me happy but not making me too anxious with the crowds. I darted in and out of the queues going around all the paintings and drawings, etc. I then came home. I needed to sleep for an hour when I got home because it took a lot of my energy but I did it.
One fascinating thing I discovered is that it is good for me to journal while I am on the train. I journaled all the way on the train there and back and time went so fast and I wasn't anxious about the people on the trains. I will journal in future. Great discovery. Reading and knitting isn't as good.
I realise it won't be possible for me to do my 2 days in the city staying at the Windsor until I get more practice going to the city and dealing with the crowds. I am hoping to go into the city again to the Pompei exhibition at the museum. I will be in my quiet phase so it will be interesting to see if I decide to go. I am much better doing things when I am in my zippy, up phase.
Just keeping you up to date with what is going on.
I am certainly doing much better than 12 months ago and far better than when I started this blog.
lots of love from susan in australia

testing

Just for fun.....
I am trying to figure out how people do a link to a web site. I have never been able to do it. A friend sent me instructions years ago and I couldn't understand them....trying again.....


susan's blog

lots of love from susan in australia
PS Being zippy helps with figuring out things.
Been up since 2am having gone to bed at 9pm. My sleeping patterns are all out of whack which is usual for zippy time

New coffee and gift shop and going to church again

Dear friends,
I visited a new shop that has arrived in my local shops. It is a gift and coffee shop and I told the lady as I was buying a few things that I don't often have coffee out as I don't enjoy it. The next day I thought why don't I go and be amongst people and do some sketching and that is what I did. I had a delightful time sketching children's toys and had a great conversation with a man with two children about the coming grand final for the footy.
I decided I will do this more on my up days.
I am also planning to go to the Dali exhibition. The last time I went to a Dali exhibition was November 2002 just after I came out of hospital and was still really sick. Any wonder it has taken me a while to get my confidence up to return to seeing Dali again. I may get some good ideas for my art and story telling.
I went to the old Koornang Uniting Church today to hear my friend Susan preach. it was great to see all my old friends there. I got all these grand ideas of going back often but I know I am in an up mode and get grand plans. At least I know this fact now and can just live in the day.
Off to tarot day at a friends. Should be good to see old friends.
I am in a bit of an up mode and the bed is strewn with projects to do. The rest of the house is tidy and I only need to do the dishes before the cleaner comes tomorrow.
I am hoping to email again next SUnday. Sundays is church and days to relax and enjoy.
lots of love from susan in australia

A bit more realism

Dear friends,
It is another few weeks since my last up time. I only seem to blog here when I am on an up and zippy. Being really realistic this time though. I always get grand plans for traveling when I am on my ups and even when I am down I wish I could travel but realistically I am more a home body and visit friends in their homes too. My adventures out are usually to the local art galleries and the very occasional outing. I started this blog with high hopes of getting overseas especially to New York but realistically I rarely even get into town to see our own art gallery let alone the MET in NY.
I guess I think traveling is adventurous full of excitement and happenings and daily life isn't that.
I have bought a copy of Julia Camerons artist dates and it is full of little adventures and I have done many of them in my life. I realise that my life is more about the little adventures, the small achievements. Nothing makes me happier than a morning emailing friends and visiting my favourite sites. I also love afternoons visiting my friends and family. I love my daily visit to the same beach. I like my occasional adventures to local motels and places.
i have a very blessed life despite my mental illness.
Today is one of those days I acknowledge that. I have less high hopes and more gratitude today.
how about you?
lots of love from susan in australia

Barbie show!!!!!

Dear friends,
I love Barbie and have a nice little collection of them and have one or more displayed in my home for my pleasure. I love Barbie. Recently there was a Barbie exhibition in the city and I would love to go......how to cope with my anxiety. When I checked the web site to see what dates the exhibition was on there was only that day and it was going to close. What could I do. I had a busy day planned but my inner child kept saying...take me, take me to the Barbie show. So I did it. Felt the fear and did it anyway. I read on the train and took photos out the window to distract my anxieties. I had ticket problems and finding the place problems but I did it!!!! I got there and saw hundreds of Barbies. I didn't stay long as crowds add to my anxiety but I bought a few trinkets and headed home. I was so pleased with myself. Well done Suse. Well done.
lots of love from susan in australia

Progress

dear friends, Since last month I have a new gardener and had my first house cleaners. Yesterday i organised a nice new private lady to come and clean. So definite progress from last month. I am still only able to go away for overnight stays but am trying to think of strategies for how to do a two night away. This will be for next year sometime as I have commitments for the next few months with my overnight stays.
My latest up time only lasted a day this time which is strange. normally I am on the up cycle for 9 to 15 days. I am sleeping in and not able to get up because i am flat but notice I am quite energised during the day. All very new and not the usual cycles. I am realising i need to live in the day and just take one day at a time and do what i can with each day rather than live around the cycles. It has been a huge lesson for me.
I am very blessed to be able to do what i can with my mental illness and CFS. I need to count my blessings more than at the end of the day in my journal. I was doing gratitudes on my walk and during the day during my last down time.
i am doing really well with my weight loss as well. The doctor is really pleased. i am still overweight but 12 kilos lighter than I was which i should be more pleased about. I will work on this for this coming month. To be grateful for the weight loss i have achieved. The doctor said as long as i stay stable that is an achievement and this morning I have done way better than that. I am pleased. Now I just need to stay abstinent for the month.
lots of love from susan in australia